When a Funeral Becomes a Disservice

Funerals are very often sad occasions.  A time to remember those we have loved and spent time with throughout our years. Sometimes they can be a celebration of the lives of loved ones, an opportunity to enjoy memories and share stories with others.

I have not been to many funerals, I have been very lucky in that regard.  However, I was at a funeral yesterday and I was saddened by the way it was carried out.

The funeral was for a local gentleman a few years younger than myself.  I had known him from my 20s as a very good friend who helped my family on more than one occasion.  I am still very friendly with his first wife and have watched his children grow up.  He led a full life with many hobbies and was a member of a number of clubs.

In later years he got divorced and remarried someone I know well.  Sadly, he recently died and the funeral was held yesterday.  It wasn’t a very busy funeral, it seems his death had not been announced in the local paper.  Most of the people who attended were there having been told by the first wife and his children.

The service gave passing mention to the fact that he was a father, otherwise it basically was a litany of his life with his second wife.  There were 2 sentences in 15 minutes that were not about her and her fabulous relationship with this man.

All his friends and family, his hobbies and interests had been relegated to an aside.

I can understand that she is his wife at the time of his death but to avoid acknowledgement of pretty much the first 40 years of his life I think is a disservice.  There was no wake, no time for those grieving to celebrate his life.  A short service based on the last few years with his second wife was all this well loved local man received.  He deserved so much more.

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