When You Realise You Need To Reset

I am sitting here at the back of 5 on Friday night thinking of what I am going to say in tonight’s video. 

The obvious answer is to tell you all that the house sale has gone through and things will be easier from now on.

Whilst that is technically correct, that is not what it feels like.

I picked up the house keys this morning and took them through to the solicitors office so they could be given to the new owners.

Then I came back home and waited.

My solicitor called to confirm that the sale was finalised and that we no longer owned the property.  The confirmation email would follow shortly with the fee note showing costs and the amount to be put in my mother’s bank account and mine.

It didn’t seem much at the time.  I made myself a cup of tea and came through to my laptop to do the paperwork.

First, I closed down the electric and gas accounts.  Next, I paid the final amount for the council tax for the property and then completed the form for the property being sold.

Not long after that the email came through from the solicitor to show the costs and payments.  Shortly after that, the money was processed into the accounts.

I pulled up the email from the council who will be receiving the proceeds of the sale to pay for my mother’s care home fees.  They required a copy of the fee note and a bank statement to show how much was now in my mother’s account.  I got that done and sent it back to them.

Now I just need to wait and see how much they will require to be paid to the care home and process whatever paperwork is needed so they will continue to pay for my mum’s care.  

Once that was done, that was pretty much all I had to do regarding the house sale.

Although it doesn’t seem much, the actions taken to get to this point were pretty significant and pretty exhausting.

I decided I deserved a hot bath to relax and take some time to myself.  This of course was followed by a nap.

After my nap I came downstairs and made myself a cup of tea just as Kathleen was heading out to the shops.

The nap doesn’t seem to have helped, I am still exhausted.  I feel sore and tired and probably couldn’t string a sentence together if I tried.  I am presuming this is due to the fact that the place I am in right now has taken so much of my time and effort over the last few years that now I am here my system is crashing and telling me I need to rest.

Initially I thought today would be a celebration of the completion of so much time and effort.  This evening I realise it is a system shut down. 

It’s strange how we think we are one thing then our body tells us in no uncertain terms that we are the complete opposite.

It started when I headed upstairs for my bath.  The stairs seemed to take so much more effort than expected.  Then when I wakened after my nap, coming downstairs again seemed to take so much more effort.

Getting up from my chair to go make more tea was actually painful which is unusual in itself.  The slight nausea and thick feeling in my throat, not quite sure what that is about.

Then as I sat here thinking how I would tell you all that this was finally done, I realised, I didn’t have it in me to stand in front of the camera and act cheerful.  This process has cost more than I could ever have imagined and instead of carrying on as if all is well, I need to take this evening to accept that it has cost me dearly in both my professional and personal life.

So tonight I am going to put a post on the site with a link to here so you can catch up with what has been happening.

As for me, I am probably going to put on some very loud music, pour myself a drink and allow myself to become emotional.

So if you hear the strains of Gloria Gaynor, Cher and Meredith Brooks in your mind tonight, feel free to join me in rebuilding.